Life stories on love magic, love spells
Once because of the young age and foolishness I made a light love spell for the married guy. Up until now I regret about it. May be it was not because of the love spell and the sad fate of that family has been predetermined already as well as mine, but I’m pressed by the idea “if it is my fault…” It is necessary to explain both to girls and boys that the love spell has one strange character. The fortune removes love from the object of the love spell and once after the love spell is done you felt coolness and even disgust to the object, be sure that your mage (magus) is not a charlatan and the work is done with a quality. But... It is almost impossible to get out of the object of the love spell. You “object” will hate you from the bottom of the heart, because will not be able to live without you. There is the energy connection (lace) between us. While your absence, he or she will feel physically badly, but it is not that sunny sadness of unanswered love….
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Love magic is such a thing… Once I used the love magic for one guy. Before this he was a good friend of mine. And as a result, after the love magic, he is only attracted to me. But there is no word about feelings! I mean nothing for him, and he only wants one thing from me…
Anonymously, 19 years old
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My relative was under love magic done by his wife, because he did not love her and married her because of her pregnancy. He didn’t love her, but after love magic they gave birth to three more kids. After approximately 10 years he got sick and took to the bed. After long suffer he died. After one year, the third son died and the youngest daughter has mental abnormalities. Now this woman alone takes care of the mother of her husband who became blind. This is a very bad thing. Please think about your close people, who are also became involved TO IT!
Alesha, 22 years old
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When I was 16, I was madly in love in one man. I just wanted to see him with half an eye. I just wanted to see him accidentally on the street and to say “hello”. I “worked” by myself. It was needed to read some “innocuous poem” into the open window. Yes, I do not deny that it worked. I read this poem twice and twice I met this man accidentally. It was 10 years ago. I forgot about this man. But all this 10 years I’m being throttled by someone during nights. The hand is on my throat. My head and chest are squeezed. Sometimes to such extend that I feel the break of my webbings. So bad I wish it had never happened. In addition, awfully scared that you could not move – even to open your eyes. Only the brain works. And your soul feels like someone wants to remove your soul from you. This is disgustingly.
Z, 24 years old
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I would like to tell you the interesting story about my close friend. We are both 30 and this story started five years ago. My friend, let’s call her Marta, is a very attractive woman, and she looks like only 25 years old maximum, she has and had lots of lovers, even being married since 19. Her husband is nice, care, cute, hard-working guy, but she does not love him, even, probably, did not love him never before. She is always on key monetary job positions, has her own circle of friends, parties-presentations etc. and etc. Shortly saying, life is full of swing. All female friends, of course, are jealous with her and always made sheer gossips about her, and she in her turn just laughed at beard.
So, once she met a man 5 years younger than she, local womanizer (lady-killer). My friend thinks that she will lure him and he, as others, will follow me like a puppy. But no such luck, this boy became accomplished villain, he changed women like gloves. And the friend of mine started to suffer that he is not like others. Just for fun of it, my friend ordered the paid love magic for this guy. But before she did it, he started to show his interest in her, but because Marta does not change her decisions, she paid for the love magic anyways. And here it started… The guy started to “waste away”, before he was so cheerful, sociable handsome guy, he stopped to communicate with others and started to follow the married woman as a shadow. Of course, the husband found out about these relations. He left her (for a while), Marta became scared of it, started to scare away her lover under influence of the love magic, but no such luck – she got seriously sick, got in hospital, her child got sick as well, the brother died, quitted the job, the house got burned, and lots of other small worried occurred with her during 2-3 months.
She hardly struggled out of this disaster. Her husband and lover of 20 years old spent all their time in the hospital (it was something to see). Marta made a decision to come together with her husband. Another guy hung himself in 3 days. Once I found out it, I told her immediately: “You see what the love magic did, and it is not because of the real love, the pure and invincible feeling books are writing about, but because of fun, only in order to tick the square box of another victim”. That time Marta just laughed hearing my words…
5 years passed, she has everything – house, husband, two cards, apartments, 2 children, but I do not know other unhappy woman as she is. First of all, she is totally sick, she spends all her time with doctors, she hates her husband and he returns the same to her; second of all and the most important things is that that guy, that died boy comes to her dreams almost each night and asks to follow him. Marta is exhausted, and recently she met the guy of 20 years old (10 years younger than she), he is almost teenager, a kid. And love occurred between them. Lately I found out harsh-harsh truth of life of my friend: this guy infected her with AIDS, and she in her turn – her husband, and they have 2 children. Only now she realized that she should not go against God, should not. She is praying each day about forgiveness, but it is not possible to change the past. There is a phrase for the purpose: everything done will do you justice.
Dawning, 30 years old
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We were four friends. Early in life, being stupid, we decided to make a love spell to our boy-friends. Besides, it was being known to them, because they were in the next room and knew what we are doing. But the end of the story is: I was with my boy-friend during 3 years, divorced, but have a good/clever son. My personal life did not get right, my ex is godlessly drinking, and he even does not look like a human being. My first friend also did not live together with her boyfriend for a long time; she and he also have personal problems. They are both single… My second friend had lots of abortions and her boy-friend refused to marry her, now he is married, but runs around with others left and right; she is married, but unhappy…. The boy-friend who was under love spell of my third friend died being her husband, now she lives with the drunker, has three children and is like bag of nerves. So, girls, no love spells, who needs you – will love you without it!!!
So I am
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This story took place at my husband’s office nearly 4 years ago. He just got this job. He got acquainted with the secretary Lenochka, woman without husband and with kid. They started to be friends. Friends and friends and their friendship came to a result that this madam did a love spell for him, knowing about his marital status. My friend told me about his love spell after I described everything happening with my husband. He started to behave like not himself…. he looks at you and you have a feeling that he is ready to kill you! It was very scary.
So, I had this conversation with my friend and she recommended me to go to the church: “Just go and ask for her, for your family, for your kids and for your husband”. I came, cried. I wailed that even reverend mother gave me a scarf… He returned. The adaptation took a very long period of time. And it was very heavy! She again tried something, did not leave him, but was afraid of talking to me. In a result, she resigned her job. And in half a year or a year she and her son smashed in a car accident. Together with a driver! My husband told me about it. Her mother called him. He didn’t sleep all the night, was smoking. She was buried in a closed coffin.
Such a story... So please think properly before making the love spell. It is useless to dissuade those who decided to do it from it, but anyways my advice is to turn to God, come to church, read Psalter and the help will be sent to you! And real help and weapon against all troubles and disasters. Be happy and take care of yourself and those who is close to you!
Samurai’s daughter, 26 years old
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Not long ago my elder sister Alena decided to use the love magic because of endless failure with guys. How many guys she had, whatever good their relations were, the long and stable relations did not take place. Alena made the love magic using the menstrual blood. She married the guy whom she made this for. Their marriage was not happy. Her husband Anton became nervous and rude. Sometimes he could not stand the presence of my sister and came to me. With tears in his eyes he told that could not understand what is happening with him. Anton suffered a lot, but shortly he was not able to suffer any more and left Alena, just took his clothes and left. When the day of divorce came, Anton did not come. Everyone became alerted. Alena and I went to see him. The door was opened. We came into the room and saw a picture, which I still have in my eyes. Anton hung himself. No signs of alcohol or narcotic substances had not been found in his blood, only dying note: I CAN NOT STAND IT ANY MORE! SHE IS KILLING ME INSIDE.
My sister did not leave the church during nearly 2 months. In a result she got acquainted with a man and a month ago married him. It looks like they are happy. But everything could be much worse…
Vit@lina, 19 years old
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The story of the love magic of my second brother Sergey by his future spouse is terrible. Being in 10th class, he had a girl-friend, they had real love. But another girl involved into these relations, by the way, the pianist, beauty, good/clever girl. She made a love spell on the blood. Strong love spell. Result? Three beautiful kids. But… Being 20, the elder son was put into prison because of the narcotic drugs, once left the prison he hung himself. The middle daughter got stuck in lechery, she drinks, sterile, thought lots of young men are lovesick for her. The youngest son is oligophrenic person. The sorceress herself in 40 years old is dying agonizingly because of the brain tumors and becoming mad. And her poor husband being almost a boy once got the love spell, my nice and kind brother Sergey is paralyzed now in his 48 years old and the only words he could spell is “Bo-bo”. So, what is his fault?
N, 45 years old
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Here are the results of my attempts to make the love spell for one girl:
1. There are five-level obscenities in my ears. All the attempts to stop it are without luck.
2. There is a feeling of a hellish fire from top to toe.
3. There is such a feeling like you turn on the red-hot fryer.
5. Hate towards everything, the desire to climb the wall and to writhe in hysterics. The desire becomes stronger at the sight of people.
6. There is a feeling that you are like kebab on a stick is being eaten.
7. Impossibility to be with a person whom you made the love spell, the hate towards this person. Absence of love. In addition it is important that this could spread over your next chosen one and make difficulties to develop your relations.
8. The feeling of a hand over the throat.
9. Distance from people. It is like in “Crime and punishment” of Dostoevsky, when person “by scissors cuts himself from another world”.
10. Development of other forms of dependence (alcoholism, computer games, gaming, drug addiction etc.).
11. Impulsive obsessions and tic.
I think, this is enough in order you to stop and make the correct choice. The love spell or similar magic do not give you the promised one, moreover it legalizes the impossibility to be with the chosen person because after this your connection and ties will always have the stamp of sinfulness, the stamp of hell. Doing so, you sell your soul. If you do not have soul and love, what could you give to your chosen person, to share with him or her?
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Do not even think to make the love spell! I personally knew the girl who used the black magic love spells for the attraction of one guy. As a result they hated each other, but lived together as tied. He started to drink and later being drunk he killed her. He struck her into temple by the corner of the chair.
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Any child, knowing even a little bit about the Orthodox Christianity, is aware that when you believe in God, any love magic or love spell could make harm to you. I had the same experience in my life. One girl liked me but I did not deal with her because she did not believe in Christ. And she decided to make a love spell for me. What do you think? Strong love spell, but without any result! But she started to suffer of terrible visions and illnesses… I explained what from which and she confessed (she is christened) and started to believe…
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My friend (let’s call her Ann) wanted her husband to return. They lived together for a long time, their son just passed into 11 class. She visited one soothsayer and asked me to drop her off. The soothsayer promised the husband to return but it will be a big loss instead of it, but my friends agree with it, she will make everything. Anya agreed and her husband returned in few weeks, she sent son to visit the grandmother. In a result her son, her boy died (he sank) and husband left her again in few months. Anya blames herself for this up until now. I think that it is partly my fault because I dropped her off for this soothsayer, in case I refuse, who knows – may be no tragedy happens. Because of this I believe in love spells (there are lots of muck in our world), but it is necessary to pay for everything in the life, let everything runs its course.
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When I was 20, I met a person, without whom as I thought, my life will stop and I, not knowing the possible results that time, made a love spell. As a result, mass deaths started to take place in my family, during 2 years my parents died, all relatives; I started to have the health problems. Up until now I suffer on the sleeplessness because I’m scared to sleep during nights and this is because while sleeping someone came to me and tried to throttle, or to have such kinky sex with me, I was not even able to imagine. It was not life, but hell and even now I remember these moments with shudder, the moments when reality mixed with unreality, when my dead parents were like alive and continued to live with me as before.
I did not know that this is a result of the love spell done by me a long time ago. In result, the person whom I was in love married not me, but another girl whom his parents found for him, and I left alone, without my love, without parents and his child. But there is God because I passed through a lot, my native brother went to the court and we had a long process because of the parents’ apartment, my daughter, hardly grown up by me without any assistance, stupidly lost her job and this job could guarantee me a good pension being 40 years old.
I do not know how it happened, but I asked God to give me last help and in a while my situation started to improve. Recently I met a person whom I think I love, but it is unrequited love, and I remembered about the love spell. You could believe or not but I found your site accidentally, I read all the letters very carefully, I analyzed and I understood that all troubles and disasters of my life have a reason, when I being young made a mistake and made a love spell. Thanks God that I found this site, which was not an accident. Now, thanks God, when I’m on the rise, my child is my job, but the only thing that I could not meet the person to be in love with, because I think that I’m still in love with one whom I made the love spell for. Now I will start praying God and ask to confess and forgive me, may be via these praying my first love will leave me and I could find the real love and happiness. I want to open my heart for the new love, which I will support not by magic and love spell, but only but faith and hope in love. I wish you all the happiness.
Repented, 35 years old
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It was the same as other had. I’m 16, he is 26… and I decided that he is the only love of my life. I made the love spell. As a result, he kept his eyes fixed on me, followed me, devoted poems and songs. And then I understood that I’m tired of him. He came to me, asked me to leave him and gave him a chance to make a new life with another woman. I left him with the breath of relief, like to remove garbage, but during 2 years he returned to me and told that could be only with me, no one else. Thanks God, his life now improved, he has a family and a wonderful son.
Time passed and I met next “love”. I decided that if it helped me in the first case, it will help in this case as well. The guy could not live without me, looked at me like at God. We were planning to get married, but before submission the documents to ZAGS quarreled, almost came to loggerheads. Later he told me that during 9 years was suffering because of our breakage and even now thinks of me like of the love of his life, though married another woman. As for me, I wanted only to humble him after our quarrel.
More time passed and I met a man. Handsome, wealthy, with status and he liked me a lot. We started dating, but I thought that they develop very slowly…. And again the love spells. After this he started to drink like a fish and does not pay any attention to me. As a result I’m lonely again.
In a while I met A LOVE OF MY LIFE. We loved each other innocently and devotedly, but our relations could not make shape. We lived six years with it. We could not be without each other, and could not stay together. I wanted to make the love spell again several times, but to this or that reasons I did not, each time I was stopped somehow. I wanted so much him to love me without any magic. And he really loved me, offered me to move to his place, to be together. But I refused all the time (and do not know why), though I wanted it so much. And he could not live in my place. And again I gave in, decided that I’m ready for everything in order him to be with me (not to move to his place, but to make a LOVE SPELL). When I prepared myself for the ritual, he called me and said that feels I’m ready to make a love spell for him, and after his I felt that I’m doing a right and correct thing and instead of stopping the process, I continued.
I made the ritual at the 8th of March and we met couple of times after it, told that we love each other, but on 19th of March he was called. Only for half a year I killed my love by my own hands. When it happened I realized that it was much easy for me to die then to survive his death. His father died, he was not able to stand his son’s death, in 3 months. I started to drink and became an old woman instead of cute girl; I hardly got out of all this.
Now, 1.5 years later I understand that my tumors, absence of children and family, tumors of my mother and heart attack of my father – all this I made by my own hands. My health and status is not important for me, but I killed the person whom I’m in love with by my own hands.
Dear girls, boys and people! Before making the love spell, remember me and gain lessons from other people mistakes. Now I have only one thing – to ask God to forgive but not my sins, but people whom I broke the life, these people to forgive me.
Natasha, 31 years old
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I was living with one guy during six years, I was madly in love with him, and during all these six years I have tried lots of love spells. He stuck to me like a bur and I got tired of it. I left him, he suffered a lot, started to drink, wasted away, and I was living without even remembering him, I changed men. He convinced me to return but no, I was stubborn.
One year and a half later our common friend called me and said that my ex boy-friend shoot himself at his home. Soon it will be two years after he had gone but up until now he comes in my dreams, smiles and says: “I’m alive!!!” I often go to the cemetery, but cannot calm down, I want to him. I visit church and confess, but no result. Our common friends are keeping mentioning to me that if not me, he would be alive. I realize it by myself, but can do nothing, that’s why I go to the cemetery, sit near the grave and think: “WHY????!!!!!!”
Svetlana, 24 years old
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Recently I met the friend of mine, let’s call her Tanya, I didn’t see her for a long time, and after I met her I hardly recognized her and once recognized was surprised a lot. I can say that Tanya, putting it mildly, looked poor, very poor. She was wasted, dry and pale; I wonder how he keeps body and soul together.
Tanya told me the following. She fell in love with one man nearly one and a half year ago, they started dating. But he is married, has children, he was not thinking about the divorce of course, he diversified his life and that’s good.
But Tanya thought differently. Love! Age. She wants her own children etc. Everyone try to find the excuse of own unattractive actions.
She courted a man by this and that, but was not able to break the family. So she decided to use the extreme method – love spell. She used the services of a soothsayer. She made a love spell, but it worked poor. And Tanya, in order to expedite the process with the help of the same soothsayer, put the evil eye on the spouse of the lover. I do not know what and how it was done, but this is not so important.
This is the fact that the lover did not start to feel warmer toward Tanya, even worse, in spite of Tanya’s visits to the soothsayer.
Suddenly, she started to notice that something is happening to her, her head was swimming, and she felt weakness. Tanya went to the hospital for check-up, but nothing serious was found, but she felt worse and worse. She felt like a melting candle, but could not find a reason for it. After this she was deep in thought about the devil’s eye and love spell. Thanks God, she heard a lot about boomerang effect (but anyways did what she did).
Originally she thought that his spouse knows something, some strong protection. She started to ask the lover more about her (before they avoided such conversations) and Tanya found out that his spouse is a very religious woman, keeps the fast, almost each Sunday comes to church.
So, while Tanya was spitting feathers with the love magic, that woman lived simply and calmly, not even thinking about clearance against devil’s eyes and other, she was just praying for herself, her husband and children. That’s all.
AND NOTHING stuck to her. It was her protection. And a very POWERFUL protection.
I do not know what Tanya’s decision was – either to continue going to the soothsayers in order to get recovered, or to go to the church and be confessed. I think that the second option is more effective for her case.
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I’m one of the objects of the love spell. My ex spouse nearly 8 years ago made a love spell. 6 years ago we divorced. But, once met a lovely person and got married, I continued to go to the former family. I gave them the apartment, supported them, run by each telephone call. I started to have quarrels in my new family, but I did not pay attention to it, in a result – twice we divorced and got married. I loved my spouse, but once I heard about my former family I felt like a “mind-blow”. I wanted to hear nothing and no one.
Sooner or later I started to realize that indeed something is wrong here. I came to the fortuneteller and the story she told me was a hair raiser.
It is very difficult on the 4th decade to feel that the world turned round. All my life I was skeptical about such sort of things, and even now try not to be taken up with it. I only fear for my son, because during last 4 years his mother’s parents died by unnatural death. (Probably it is just the coincidence). THE TRUTH IS SCARIER THAN FICTION. Decide by yourself.
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Dear girl, do not use the love spell never and for no one, this is very scary method, which can make your boyfriend and even yourself mad. The love spell will spoil all your future life. I tested it by myself and now strongly confess about it and ask God to forgive me. I’m so sorry that at that moment, when I put myself on that road, no one pulled me down and told that I should not do it. When you get into the other world, the unique channel between you and other world is opened; later this channel does not leave you and demand to use it again and again. For example, I saw prophetic dreams, read the cards, involved into my own fortune and fortune of others (I was young, only 14), made love spells. Result: I had to pay for this, in one year I lost two close to me people, 10 kilos of weight and at even myself. It was very difficult for me, but I got off cheaply.
Now, thanks God, I’m fine, I was christened and think that will not return to the same road again, thought sometimes I feel pushed to check the future or to get something with the help of magic. But in such moments I understand that can do worse. I do not know if God forgave me and if I could be ever happy. Now, in retrospect, I think that I have totally different life if I would not follow the way I followed. Never do it, do not cling to what does not belong to you, do not go against your fortune which prepared something different for you. THIS IS REALLY VERY SCARY.
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One woman, who made a love spell, was living in our house. At the very beginning, she did it for love of the game, then – for money, for big money. According to the people’s words, who used her services, she made a tightly love spell. Person became either a slave or died.
But she dies being 43. Oncology. I’m not sure if it is the coincidence, but she was dying terribly. I never met such a terrible death among patients with such kind of diagnoses.
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The habit for love spells
It started from the curiosity. At the beginning of 1990 when different interesting literature gushed out to our country, I found a book on magic. For me, being 13, it was very funny that with the help of easy manipulations it is possible to put the devil’s eye on someone, to make him suffer you. The world of supernatural, mysterious and incomprehensive attracted me. I did not even know and think about God.
Falling in love for the first time and unrequited at the same age, I started to read some love spell. I did everything I supposed to do, remembered by heart, and repeated word by word, looking at the photo. And… nothing happened. He fell in love with my friend. For a while I left this hobby and forgot about it. Forgot until the moment I felt in love again.
This time I chosen the more serious love spell and repeated my actions. And again without result, no any “positive” result of the love spell. After this I decided to read this nonsense each time until the moment it will take effect. I thought about it like a joke and from time to time pronounced the words just for conscience’ sake, that I did all I could.
At the same age I started to feel sick. And felt sick very seriously. Simple cold was with complications and even until now I’m among chronic patients. Then I decided to help myself with the use of the same methods. It did not help me.
I started to suffer because of the nightmares and depressions. I thought that such mood is because of the awkward age.
It happened that I did not leave my addition even later. Not often but from time to time I read different literature and used magic which does not affect the object of my love, but it affected me. And vice versa if person felt sympathy towards me after my actions this sympathy went away.
Surrounding considered me as a beautiful woman, they liked me and I did not suffer because lack of attention, but I was not happy. I easily found men but I also easily stayed lonely. Depression and anger to the world became my life companions. The elder I became the more such feelings I had. Health problems did not leave me as well. I often thought about suicide.
And I made a conclusion – evilwishing or evil’s eye. I run to clean it. To that moment there wee lots of choices for it. I visited fortunetellers and healers. More problems pressed my sick soul. I went to read fortune by taro cards each time I met a new guy, I took his photo and run to the fortuneteller to see if I need him in the future. Of course, they “healed” me and promised that everything will be fine. But it became worse and worse. Once I invited to my apartment strange people who “cleaned the energetic” and sang strange songs. Even now I do not know who they are. But after this, heavy situation in my family became more difficult. I want to believe that majority of those whom I visited are standard charlatans.
At the age of 24 I again returned to the practice of the love spells because I lost hope to create family by my own forces. Again I read one love spell without understanding what did I need it for. I was waiting for the call from one person, in whom, as I thought, I was in love with. The idea of the love spell was that devilry had to submit him and immediately remind about my existence. Curiously enough he called immediately after I stopped reading. But while reading I felt strangely. It goes without saying that relations with this man destroyed very quickly.
After break with that man I finally believed that something is wrong with me. But I did not see, did not realize the source, the origin of the problem. I realized that with each year, with each break of the relations I felt worse and heavily. I tried to be treated by the same methods – spell against depression, love, love spell etc.
I used last attempt to “get treatment” nearly one year and a half ago. I found one healer and he put a diagnosis as a “crown of celibacy” and during three days was treating me. I was won by the fact that icons were everywhere in his room, he read Bible and while this was whispering something. He considered himself as a healer by birth. While treatment he put a scarf on my head, run the candle over my head, and gave the holy water (from his words) to drink. He put the icon into my hands. Everything looked very convincing. Before making treatment he warned me that I could feel badly, I could black out or feel giddy or something similar. Indeed, I felt uncomfortable, and the friend of mine who gave the contact information of that healer felt the same. He was not the first “healer” telling about such sort of things. Everyone start treatment via worsening as I was told. In truth, in case relief occurs after such withdrawal pains of the organism, it will be worse later and not even physically. Person, thinking about temporary relief, will run to the healer again and in time the person will become marionette for such a healer.
Later I brought the photo of another young man and the healer said that this man is a very serious person and I need to start dating with him.
I had a hard time with this man later. He was not a bad person, but was former self-murderer who has not solved his soul problems yet. We hardly could talk to each other, but keeping in mind the words of the healer, I tried to keep the relations with this man for a long time. After I understood that there was no positive influence of the healer, I stopped visiting him. But I always had a question who was he and what did he do? When I came to him for the 4th time, the healer told me very strange words: “I knew that you will be sent to me again, so here you came”. At that moment I did not think who sends me and why, thought I felt badly and uncomfortable after talking to this healer, I was somehow attracted for that visit and paid a lot.
It seems strange but I believed in God. I mean I thought that He exists but does not like me. But in fact I was so far from Him that did not see what is good and bad. I could not objectively realize my actions and behavior. I went to church from time to time. I put candles, asked for a happiness and health and that’s all. I felt slightly easy, but bad feelings returned again because I did not feel shame or regret, vice versa I thought that I’m doing nothing bad. I considered “sin” as murder, theft, lies. I did not want to think about other and even sometimes thought that all bad things will be not noticed.
After visiting healer I felt more painful. I did not understand why I feel so badly, I felt confused and slowly went over the hill. I was screaming all the time, once recovered the depression started again. Fornication, alcohol, constant fear to live – I was living in this. But if to tell correctly, I was existing. One more thing – the nightmare. The same terrible nightmare. I’m in strange place, dark and terrifying, the apartment, waste house in the village and I know that soon I will be scared. Then I see, even feel and understand that something is throttling me and putting heavy on me. I wake up because of my own inhuman scream, awakening the house. Such nightmares were not often before, but during last year it happened minimum once per week, sometimes twice. I though that it is the specific of my psychic.
The dark forces made the half of the work. Now the only thing to do was to push me to the further fall. But I didn’t care about it. At one moment I realized the drinking alone became normal for me. Moreover, for me it was the only method against emptiness. At the very beginning it was beer, then gin-tonic, wine and vodka. I do not remember how I was outside at the street at nights and why I wanted to get drunk…
But my surrounding did not see it. People did not connect my decent appearance and internal condition. Only my mom saw my constant dark face, saw my freaks as I became uncontrollable. It looked like someone pushed me to make a sin.
There were moments when I supposed to stop and start thinking. But I was deaf and blind. I met good men, they have serious intensions for me, asked me to get married, but my heart was indifferent to them. I could not love. I did not notice how I became crying and suffering creature from blooming beautiful woman.
It was always thick air at my home and I often went outside in order to get the fresh air. I often walked lonely during nights and drunk. I remember the last winder with horror. Sometimes I think that it was not me. Slowly I got mad. It seemed to me that there is no joy in the world, the past is sad and the future is hopeless. Nothing gave me joy and I wanted to die, thought nothing special happened during that time.
I was always full of anger. Once I pulled off the cross from my neck. I just threw it on the floor and said that do not believe any more. I wore it for a long time and took it out only while visiting healers, fortunetellers or when made magic by myself. May be I was scared that their magic will not have the effect. When I pulled off the cross, I hated myself and everyone around me, I understood that I’m behaving non-correctly, that I’m doing a scary thing, that I need to stop, but I was not able to. I climbed a windowsill and dreamed to jump, but the fear to make pain to myself was stronger than this desire. Then I felt horror because of my behavior, but I was not able to change it. The painful part is that it happened in the most important Christian holiday – Easter.
The same spring I met one man. The meeting of him and break up turned my life round. The scales felled from my eyes. One I met him, I decided that he is my only rescue, that love, family and child, all I wanted so much, could rescue me and I can escape the sticky web. But our break up occurred under very sad circumstance. When it happened, I thought that it is the end of my life because his action was so cynical.
But mainly at that moment I found power and returned to God and He heard me. I understood that could only escape only with His help. During three days I regretfully cried and asked to take me out of all this. Only after this I saw all my life from aside and felt shame, fear and horror. I felt that He is near with me and will not leave me, but I should keep Him.
Right after confess I felt relief. It was the feeling of shame because of all my actions, which was not possible to remove from my own life, but also joy because I did not fell loneliness and what is more important – I realized that could start everything from the very beginning. Only after that I opened for myself the Holy Scripture. I read it at day and night, all the time when I had a free time. Before I opened the Bible many time, but after two phrases I closed it. I never read the pray until the end, while reading the holy literature I felt disappointment.
The way to church was long. I could not overcome myself and to come in. In spite of this, I came to the church easily. It was because I did not realize how dangerous my actions were and that it was a heavy sin. I prayed God to help me. Once I left subway and was on the way to the supermarket when felt that I want to come into nearby church so much. And I went, even run, there; and after did not want to leave it.
The way to confession was even more difficult. It was heavy at the first time and the second one – even heavier. During first confession I was not able to say even a word. When I went for confession for the second time, I was thinking that it was so difficult to make up my mind. I was afraid that I will not be able to overcome. My sins are heavy, it is easy to make sins but it is very difficult to confess. The most difficult part was to tell everything like it is.
The Communion became a real holiday for me. I could not describe the feelings which I experienced. I was crying in church and felt that super heavy stones fell down from my soul.
Now I have totally different life. Not everything comes easy and it is needed to make efforts in order to solve each situation Christianly. But with the help of pray everything is possible. After confession some problems have gone away. Some things seemed normal to me before, became offensive. Lots of good people came to my life and they help me a lot. I changed the circle of communication without being noticed. When soul is under recovery step by step, the life is also changing. The desire to live appears and what is more important life started to be full of totally different and another meaning.
Each day I thank God that everything happened as it happened. It was very painful, but pain returned me to the life.
To live provided to be a very good!
Susan, 25 years old
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Love spell and love magic are signs of extreme disrespect to a person (Priest Daniel Sisoev)