The gift of unrequited love
She was the first woman whom I wanted to see as my wife; to be precise, in my mind I already saw her as my spouse. She was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and to go to eternity. She was a reliable and faithful friend and seemed to be meant just for me. Before, I did not even imagine such people could exist and therefore it was easy for me to remain single.
In a month after our meeting, I proposed; I didn’t have any doubts about it. After another month, we set a date for our wedding ceremony. Things were going very smoothly and it looked like nothing could have turned us off the road. We put an application for marriage, bought tickets for the honeymoon trip and worked out all the rest necessary details. Being believers, we were keeping chastity. I hardly believed it was happening to me…
Two weeks before our wedding she said she would not marry me and asked not to bother her any more.
Being depressed, I took some sharp and foolish steps to return her. But the confessor of my fiancée (the priest to whom she went for confession) explained that everything really was over and that I had to accept it; so I didn’t try to get in touch with her after that.
Half a next month I spent on a sick leave (my immune system got weak and some new health problems appeared). The second half of that month I would sit in my office in front of a computer, but the monitor often would grow dim before my eyes.
I already had the experience of overcoming something I couldn’t change, so I knew what to do – I prayed and resigned myself. The pray was intense and concentrated.
I tried to understand and forgive her.
Even now, I do not know exactly what made her leave. However, I should admit she had her reason to be upset with me. Two days before the break-up I had been displaying my worst features such as toughness and stubbornness. But still, do habits that I could get rid of really worth it? Two days - and life without her. Two days - and eternity. Two days – and nonexistence of children that could have been born. Two days – and lonely old age. To me, it’s hard to believe that I will be given a gift to love once again.
Well, though I couldn’t do anything about her, I could change myself. My flaws became clear to me. I realized their cost and wanted to become a better person.
Most of all I was tormented by the thought that I had been selfish all my life and hadn’t done much for others. I realized the necessity to do something good for somebody. I needed to find people in need and help them. One more thing I understood was that I had to choose something that required my efforts, otherwise it would have been too easy; only by doing so could I improve myself. It is easy to donate money but to comfort, compassionate and encourage others is much more difficult task.
I found a way to get involved in such an activity. The day of my first visit to the hospital as a member of mercy group coincided with the day of my failed wedding. I still was on a sick leave and very stressed out. I felt ashamed – did I really have something within myself that I could give to those suffering people?
However, soon I became convinced that one could only be happy when he gives, not when he takes. When your intentions are good, you get strength and help from God. So I got back on track pretty fast. In a few weeks my pain faded away and I learned to laugh again.
For believers it is easier to outlive difficulties. This is because we know that there are no fortuities in life and everything has its purpose. This is because we can address God at any time and He will ease our pain. This is because we always remember about eternity. We know that separation from those we love will not last forever and we’ll meet in Heaven someday. When I was in pain because of impossibility to stay together with her in this world, I tried to do everything I could so that on the Judgment Day we wouldn’t be ashamed before each other for everyone’s thoughts will be clear. I didn’t want my actions or words to offend that wonderful thing we were trying to build.
Only half a year has passed. I rarely feel sad, and "my sadness is light". On the day the break-up happened, I received a text message from my close friend and I keep this message in my cell phone. Here it is. "Human feelings are deceptive; only God truly loves us and leads us to salvation! Having Him, we will never be lonely, unhappy or unloved! We can remain close to those we are not near by now as we pray for their salvation – this is the best thing we can do for those we love!" My friend who sent this message went through "four flops" as she calls them but now she is happily married. Every day I become more convinced that she was right.
I’ve changed a lot since the moment I met my fiancée. Before, I perceived life somewhat weary as if I looked through a misted window. Today colors of my life have become bright again and faded talents are back. I have understood many important things about human relationships; I have become a more mature person. That "good deed" that I started doing in the hospital does much for me. I found a fullness of heart that I never had before. In other words, the gift I have received when that woman came into my life is priceless. Thank God for everything!
About three months ago I met a girl of 21 years old; her name is Ljuba. A year ago, her fiancé (or rather her partner) left her for another woman. She tried to overdose herself with medicine and barely stayed alive. She has been sick since – she can’t even make it to the bakery. Her psychical condition is just as bad.
It was mainly after conversation with Ljuba that I got an idea to create this website. Friends and volunteers took up the call, psychologists and priests responded as well. Talking to them, I found out lots of things. That’s why you are reading this website now. Everyone helping to make it has one goal – that you love and be happy. May God help you!
Brother, 39 years old
I found my destiny only in 10 years (Natalya P., 32 years old)
Love with fists (Katya, 22 years old)
Unfaithfulness is a disease (Stanislav, 44 years old)
Do not allow your soul to be lazy… The story of divorce and new marriage (Elena, 43 years old)
I let my husband go (Olga, 31 years old)