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My name is Wayne I'm divorced 10 yrs and have a son who I raised from 2 till 9 yrs old.The whole time my only focus was
on him.I never ventured into a relationship.One day out of the blue an ex girlfriend called.She was going through tough
times with her husband.I was happy to hear from her,she was my first love and I was hers.We talked for a while then we
met one day she had just given birth to a boy 6 months prior.I felt really good inside and had dreams of life with her
and our children,I started to love again.My divorce left me broken I had become scared of love.I didn't want to get
hurt again so I kept my distance from my girlfriend and used every excuse to break up.I now know that no matter what I
still loved her.We started to get very serious talking marriage.It was then that her son at age of 10 or 11 sexually
molested my son who was maybe 7 years old.Her son was very troubled and was seeking professional help,this drove a
wedge between me and her son.I did not forgive him for what he had done to my boy.I wanted to break up but stayed in
the relationship for another 2 years and things got much worse,we broke up and reconciled many times but we or maybe I
couldn't get myself to over come the difficulties in our relationship.We finally broke up and I've been with out her
for a year. It feels like my world has come apart I hurt my back and became addicted to pain meds.I reconciled with my
ex wife as a way not to feel the pain of the break up.That didnt work my exwife moved out.When my ex girlfriend found
someone else my pain felt unbearable.I would visualize them together and I still struggle with that.I am so sorry for
the things I said and done to get away from her.I couldnt leave her so i started being very mean so she would leave me
and not come back well it worked and i now reget acting that way. Little did I realize that no matter how hard I tried
to distance myself I was madly in love with her.I realize today that my lack of maturity and not wanting to deal with
all the problems she had,kept me from growing.My gut told me to run as well as my friends and family, but my heart said
stay.I was so confused.Now I found this site and am trying to understand me and why I do these things to myself.All the
problems were a chance for me to grow.Maybe I have grown by being in this relationship but I didn't realize at the
time.I love her,I'm learning to live without her.Im starting to learn how to forgive her and myself for all that's
happened.I had a belief that I was not suppose to be with her and that I didn't deserve to have these problems in my
life.I didn't want my son to be influenced by her son.My son didn't like him and my ex wife didn't want my son around
him after what happened.So I seen her every other weekend when my son was with his mother and her son was with his
father.We started to grow apart and our love was more about sex,then anything else.When I wasn't enjoying sex with her
it was the last straw and ultimately the end.Ive been running away from this for a year.This is the first time I have
written my story or even thought about it from the beginning till the end.Im trying to change I don't ever want to feel
like this again.I also realize that I have to open up to be able to love someone, more importantly for them to love
me.Im telling myself I deserve to be happy,my thoughts are my enemy they creep in and tell me I'm not worthy and I
don't deserve happiness.eventually everything will be ok in time.I must continue to work on my defects of character.Ive
been trying to get closer to god and to pray more.I really do want a woman in my life that I can depend on and who
loves me for who I am.

( 3 voices: 3 of 5 )

Ridgerunner , age: 47 / 14.04.2013

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Wow! The first step is acknowledging the problem. The
next step is working on it. It looks like you got it.
It is never too late. Hope you find love again and you
will if you continue on the right path. God Bless!

Idoll , age: 42 / 16.06.2013


I am 45 years old and I am going through a similar
situation to you. I had been divorced for 10 years
and I thought I found the girl of my dreams 3 1/2
years ago and we hit it off so explosively. We moved
in together and was planning on getting married and
really started to move in that direction. But soon
thereafter small negative things started to creep
into the relationship that soon became so big that it
broke us up.

We both have sons, her son is 17 and my son is 13 and
they get along great. Nothing sexually has happened
and I'm sorry for your own experience with that and
can relate to how devastating that must have been.
She broke it off with me after a tumultuous 3 1/2
years with no reason at the end because we started to
get along. I'm devastated and I am still in love
with her as well, but believe deep down inside that I
deserve a lot better. But I struggle with the visual
of her potentially moving on with someone else as
well. But I try to stay focused on God and my
happiness and really fight with my thoughts too.

I have to sometimes flip it around and say, she is
probably thinking about me being with another woman
too and that must be difficult for her as well, I
don't know, but all I do know is that I am just as
worthy to find someone else as she is? Stay strong
and focused on God and he will see you through for I
believe there are a lot of good men out there like us
that have gone through the same trauma

Steven , age: 45 / 21.06.2013

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