Low self esteem leads to pathological dependence on other people
Probably, the man who has left you, used to be the sense of your life for some time – and still he occupies the space of your soul. Such dependence on this man did leave place for many other important things. This man became your idol. It’s not absolutely right. Why? Because God does not let idolatry, does not patronize it. Nobody can be the sense of our life.
Very often such pathological dependence happens with people, who are not sure in their own, whose self-esteem is low. A man with low self-esteem is a person who underestimates his life experience. He does not understand that all that has happened in his life – either pleasant or unpleasant – is treasure. Even most negative experience is very worthy for us. That’s why if we want to pass sentence on our own and commit suicide, we can do it only if we underestimate ourselves and our experience – the experience that we already have and the future one.
Through break-ups a man recovers from inclination to be dependent of somebody. Drawing right conclusions from such losses, a man stops to belittle oneself to the level when he imagines that his happiness and self-control are fully in the power of another person. Each of us is the Universe, we are worthless in ourselves. The life has reminded us about it once more.
What is the inner-sense of the wish to commit-suicide. Deep level of egocentrism is. A man thinks just about himself. ‘Nobody needs me’. ‘Nobody loves me’. ‘I’, ‘me’, ‘for me’ only. Pity of oneself prevents us from correct interpreting of the situation.
Pity of ourselves is our worst enemy. It’s a very dangerous and artful feeling, that we are not able to notice even in our best moments. Due to this feeling people regard bad as good, low as high, cowardice looks like beauty. We should protect our soul and fight with it. Let us be attentive to ourselves!
As every spiritual pathology, pity of ourselves comes as some repetitive thought. We must understand that this thought is created by the dark side of our ‘ego’. This thought is an enemy and we must say it: ‘Stop!’ We should not start a pleasant talk with it but protect ourselves from it. We should conscientiously concentrate on opposite, positive thoughts. That is the art to rule your mood and – in the whole – your life. This spiritual work is the thing that helps us to become happy.
If the pity has already appeared let’s ‘include’ in it other people – everybody who worth to be pitied. Probably we know such people who have this or that troubles, misfortunes in their lives. This man is ill, that one has lost the direction where to go in his life, somebody is unhappy in his love. Let’s divide our pity to everybody – because it’s more honest and fair. Later probably we will be able to pity the man who has hurt us. Because if he left us, he felt unwell with us. We can pity him for that because he suffered our bad sides for some time – why not? Let’s aim to pity everybody but us. When we achieve it will mean that we regard the situation in a sensible light and can make correct decisions connected with our life.
The thought about suicides does not appear from nowhere, it means that there was some pain in the soul. Break-up is really a serious situation. One should be a strong man to bear this brunt. After this strike it is really difficult to recover. Not always one can tell himself immediately: ‘I’ll be happy’ – and become happy. However each man has the experience of taking a decision and overcoming of his weakness. It is important to turn to your positive experience: to remember one of such cases when you need it, the deed that satisfied you because it was done due to the laws of conscience.
Seriously ill patient needs a long period of time to recover and stand up from his bed after the operation. At first he learns to sit in the bed, then to walk slowly, touching the bed’s backs to hold the balance. But the time comes to stand up. You need it! You need make yourself stand up. «God kisses intentions» You won’t be able to stand up without this ‘I wish’. Even not doing anything, repeat to yourself: ‘I want live! I choose life!’ After this ‘I want, I want, I want’ the wish to do anything will come, to dangle a leg from your bed, to make a step. Because a thought gives birth to a word and a word gives birth to an act. Step by step the rehabilitation of your ‘ego’ and personality will be going on. Step by step, slowly a man finds the strength to go and then he finds… the wings…
Psychologist Irene Rakhimova
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