Is it possible to get back the lost love?

The one you love may not yet be ready for love

At times a person needs some time to grow mature enough to love. Eventually love can awake and begin to live a full life. Then a person returns to the object of his or her love as a more mature individual and worthy of this love.  

Imagine this: a young girl falls in love with a mature man. He is more like a father to her than a husband. Having been frightened by the very fact of marriage she can leave him. But after a year or five she will become a mature woman and will realize that the person whom she had left was the one she needed! She will return to her man being fully aware what she is getting into and why. Such a scenario is quite plausible.  

How can you help the one you love if she/he is not mature enough to love yet? Marriage, after all, is a school where two people help each other in a process of growing up. It is a school of love and life but that is possible only if aside from love there is also a mutual trust and respect. In fact, if one partner is suppressing another it is going to harm both.

Just imagine some kids jumping over a stream. One step in the wrong place and they get wet but they jump anyway. One of the kids is afraid of humiliating himself in front of those who tease and laugh at him on the other side of the stream. He says, ‘I am not going to jump at all’. Then imagine that a grownup comes and says to the kids, ‘Move on, we will catch up with you later’ and addresses the boy, ‘Don’t be afraid. Even if you lose your footing, it’s OK. I won’t laugh. We will jump until you learn to do it’. This grownup creates confidence and the kid takes a shot to make a new step.

This is what sometimes happens in a family. If I trust my wife I will never criticize her. I will never say that she cooks, dresses, washes, etc. wrongful. I have enough respect for her not to do so. Criticism in love is very dangerous. People should care for each other. The best timing to point out someone’s mistake is when a person asks for advice. For example, when my wife asks if she had done something wrong I try to make hints about her mistakes very gently and even this causes a resistance; but after a while she usually comes to me and admits that I was right. Therefore, if I start pointing out her shortcomings, it’ll cause only rejection, rebellion and self-assertion. A different matter is when we discuss something for the future, for example, whether to go to IKEA to buy a wardrobe or spend our money on something else. Then it is OK to argue.

Moreover, you know that every woman has an intuition for her husband’s likes and dislikes. She can read in his eyes. So I don’t really need to say anything, she probably has already guessed. On the contrary, at the moment she has realized that I disapproved her actions I come over to her and give her a hug or kiss in order to create an atmosphere of confidence, so that she saw that my disapproval didn’t mean I had no love for her. By doing so I am sort of asking her to pardon my disapprobation.

No one can live in the atmosphere of criticism. It makes your partner’s life unbearable and he or she will certainly try to escape. If I try to control my wife, she will definitely leave me.

What we should strive to do is to create a mutual trust and confidence in order to help each other grow.


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Priest Andrew Lorgus

Priest Andrew Lorgus

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See also
Let’s defeat hostility with love (Archpriest Igor Gagarin)
In order to get back the lost love one should overcome his selfishness (Psychologist Irene Moshkova)
Remain close to each other at all levels (Psychologist Irene Rakhimova)
It takes maturity to love (Psychologist Irene Karpenko)
If you wait, your former partner definitely won’t come back (Evmeniy (Peristyi), Abbot)

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