Is it possible to get back the lost love?

Remain close to each other at all levels

True love does not die once and for all. It is like the sun, it can go away and then come back. To be more precise, it turns into a new quality.

You’d better help your love to get back supplying the fire of love with forgiveness and meeting each other’s wishes no matter what. Try not to widen the gap between you and your partner. As soon as you noticed even the faintest coolness try to warm up your feelings, seek reconciliation and don’t argue about who is to blame.

Remain close to each other at all levels - the physical, emotional and spiritual. It is very important to maintain tactile contacts. There is a great inner tension when a person feels offended. Just simple stroking and a few tender, nice words to your loved one can ease such pressure. You know, the most powerful means against our selfishness is the magic words such as ‘forgive me’, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Coupled with a warm touch they can end the alienation between people very quickly.

One day in a train I’ve heard a woman communicating with her son. She was talking to him with a great amount of respect as if he were an adult. Like any child he would ask her numerous questions but she would answer him something like ‘Excuse me sweetie, I cannot hear you over this noisy wagon.’ Or ‘Get up please, we are getting off now.’ Apparently, their culture of communication was very rich! Unfortunately, it doesn’t happen this way very often.

The third, spiritual level of relationships is a prayer. When we experience negative emotions towards someone we have to overcome the evil within ourselves before we do anything else, and to do so we need to pray.

The main question here is what causes our coldness to each other? The problem is that we don’t know how to express our feelings. We don’t have the adequate communication skills. If you dislike something about your partner feel free to speak it out, don’t allow the aversion to build up in your system.

Faithfulness cannot exist without trust. In one of the European languages, maybe in Norwegian, the concepts of ‘faithful’ and ‘strong’ are designated by the same word. It is our trust in one another that makes us strong and courageous. We shouldn’t be afraid to say to each other openly, ‘You know, I really didn’t like the way you acted towards me.’ You should be able to find a delicate way of saying ‘it hurts me’ ‘cause often the other person has no idea he/she caused you pain. So, when we point this out some compassion mechanism goes on. Therefore, if your partner was taking you for a person strong enough to stand a lot of pressure, then now he/she will be able to realize you are not that tough and your feelings are something to be respected. On the other hand, this is a way for you to see your partner as a trustworthy person, that is he/she can listen to you and help you out.

Instead, we often get annoyed in such situations blaming our partner of being mean. The reason is the lack of our credit to the person when we don’t believe he/she can understand us; or it can be the unnecessary patience when we cherish the ill will ready for explosion.

Actually, we talk of our thoughts more often than of our feelings, which is why there is estrangement between people. However, the level of trust between close people should be as high as to allow them to speak out their feelings. Sharing the innermost feelings makes a family. Thus, it helps to better understand each other and grow stronger together.

It took me some time to learn such things. Once I read the advice of a Reverend who said that whenever you feel offended you should say ‘forgive me’. So at the moments I was hurt I kept on repeating these words over and over. Now I’ve learnt to honestly tell my loved ones how I feel. I can also withstand an emotional outburst from their side and they know I’ll accept and understand it; you see, I do realize, the cause of their bad feelings is not me but something else that could happen any time any place, and they can tell me absolutely anything! It’s allowed in our family to call names sometimes if they are hard to keep inside. I used to moralize over it and say something like ‘how can you talk like that, that’s not nice!’, therefore a conversation wouldn’t get on. Now I understand that people just need to give way to their emotions, and so whom else would they turn to if not me?

The same goes for children as well and not just for your spouse. If we are not able to listen to our kids and hear what they have to say, they are most likely to turn to someone else. Still, if you do wish to point out a mistake to someone, better to do it afterwards, it’s going to be more effective. One must realize one simple idea, in particular, others will understand and share your values only if you are able to understand them. Usually people tend to appreciate if someone supported them in their bad times when they felt the most weak.


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Psychologist Irene Rakhimova

Psychologist Irene Rakhimova

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See also
Let’s defeat hostility with love (Archpriest Igor Gagarin)
The one you love may not yet be ready for love (Priest Andrew Lorgus)
In order to get back the lost love one should overcome his selfishness (Psychologist Irene Moshkova)
It takes maturity to love (Psychologist Irene Karpenko)
If you wait, your former partner definitely won’t come back (Evmeniy (Peristyi), Abbot)

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