If you wait, your former partner definitely won’t come back
A married couple came for advice to a family psychologist. ’We are on the verge of divorce. Your counseling is our last hope. Can you help us?’ They expected him to persuade them to change their mind. Instead he suggested another idea. ‘Being intelligent and well-mannered people you may go to a restaurant to solemnly mark the end of your married life.’ What consequences can such a ‘celebration’ have? There are two possible scenarios. The first is that spouses who can no longer be together will separate in a nice way being grateful for the years they lived together and keeping a friendly relationship; or their love will come to a phase when it ‘suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things… never faileth’ (1 Corinthians 13, 4-8).
What is it that can get back the lost love? Cherishing the certain things you’re grateful for. Usually when people wish to break up there is a cloud of bad memories in their minds, memories of the last days of their life together. If you start thanking a person for having made you happy at some point, it may lead to a reestablishment of your relations, though they will be totally different this time.
First of all you should LET THE PERSON GO in your mind. LET HIM GO COMPLETELY. A psychologist once said, ‘Since hope dies last I would kill it first.’ Why? Because while we wait ‘in hope’ we are stuck in ‘maybe-she’ll-come-back’ state. We don’t act, don’t move forward and our life is not adequate.
Now, what does it mean to let a person go? It means settling your mind up on the idea such as ‘Ok, she has left me. I let her go all right. That’s it!’ You should let him or her go with gratitude and understanding that a good period of your life might be over now. ‘Ok, I was happy with this person for two (three, four – add your own) whole years but now I have to let him go and be happy with someone else. I’ll live on my own from now on. Maybe the Lord will send me somebody else or, probably He wishes to tell me something important about my relations with Him’.
What essential is the manner we use when breaking up with people that realized they must go their own way. Do we have an ability to behave nicely being thankful, without reproaches and shaming our partner for leaving us, without laying the feeling of guilt on him/her?
If your former partner knows you are still secretly waiting for him/her to come back, he/she usually won’t be back. Even if he misses you sometimes, deep down he knows he should not come back. That is why you’d better let your loved one go wishing a good luck and thanking him for all the good that happened between you.
Therefore, stop waiting, he/she won’t come back. Bury such a hope and go on living. The loss of a person we were once in love with is not the end but the beginning of a new life and new stage on our way of understanding ourselves, neighbors and God.
Evmeniy (Peristyi), Abbot
The one you love may not yet be ready for love (Priest Andrew Lorgus)
In order to get back the lost love one should overcome his selfishness (Psychologist Irene Moshkova)
Remain close to each other at all levels (Psychologist Irene Rakhimova)
It takes maturity to love (Psychologist Irene Karpenko)